Kimberly, December 3, 2011
I was abused as a child. This did not exist then. Because of the lies told to children, it is not unusual for them to be repeatedly abused even into adulthood. I have met so many people who ended up in substance abuse or multiple marriages and promiscuity due to the sexual abuse in their childhood. TELL! ... Tell and KEEP ON TELLING... it has to end somewhere. and
EVEN IF YOU "enjoyed" IT, it was not your fault..... yes, sex is "pleasurable" or no one would do it! DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR LIES!
T E L L!
Mackenzie, January 15, 2012
I was raped two years ago by my boyfriend.many dont think thats rape because he was my boyfriend but i said no .My own mother didnt beleive me at firts.The police had to tell my mom it was true. I went to court hoping he would plea guilty so i wouldnt have to tell how i was raped detail by detail.BUt thankfully he plead guilty.But from this i have panic disorder depression and ptsd but i also have the knowledge that he wont do this to anyone else.DOnt be scared to speak out even if noone wants to beleive you someone will.
Liza, January 15, 2012
I was first raped when I was 4. My cousin set me on a stool and did his work. Then he took me to the bathroom at my grandparents house. Then out back. My earliest memories are of him. I remember him raping me three times. There may have been more. I don't really know. My second rapist was my brother. For four years he visited me in the night. In the beginning he just rubbed my back but it got worse. By the time I was in fourth grade I was having sex with him. For a while he and his friend abused me. It got so that when it stopped I felt like half of me was gone. I fell into depression. My need became incredibly strong. Then two years after my brother stopped abusing me. I was molested in the middle of the night by my other brother. I had just started to heal. I had started to move on. I fell again. I fell hard. My brothers! My own flesh and blood hurt me so bad that I began cutting myself. I had felt to much pain all my life that I was now inflicting it upon myself just so i could feel something at all. I lied to so many people. The summer my second brother started molesting me, I confronted him and told my parents. I felt like they did nothing. At all. I continued cutting and was incredibly depressed. Over the years i had told several of my friends about the abuse I had endured. The year after I told my parents about the abuse, one of my friends convinced me to tell the school counselor. I did. The police and social workers descended. I was shoved into therapy. My facade was deep. It got deeper. I stopped really talking to anyone. I would fake happiness to make people leave me alone. Both my brothers were forced to move out. I couldn't see them. I couldn't be around them. My mom couldn't show her face at my school. I ripped my family apart. My cousin lives in a different state. No one did anything about him. My brothers friend was not pursued. I saw him at school the next year. Some how seeing him was worse than living with my brothers all those years. I was used to them. But he was smug and surrounded by friends. While I was drowning. The therapist gave up on me. My mother sent me to another one. She shortly gave up too. I am still struggling. But am finding solace in learning. Which might sound corny... But knowledge won't turn around an hurt me. The only good thing that came out of me telling the police was that I stopped cutting. Everything else just hurt me and my family worse.
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A.k.a.mystery, May 18, 2012
I was sexually abused when I was 6. I didn't realise this at the time. I only remembered about this a couple of months ago. I can see images so vivedly, and feel things that happened but I don't know if it was real. My parents don't know about this at all, and I'm terrified to tell them, because I don't think they'll believe me. I'm not good at showing my emotions, and partly because of that I feel like my parents won't believe me, and think I'm just winding them up. I am so scared, but I really want this out of my head.
Tammy, May 28, 2012
I was sexually abused between the ages of 4 and 6 by the boyfriend of my babysitter. I kept it a secret for longer than I should have because I believed the threats he told me about harming my younger brother.
My parents saw the warning signs but refused to acknowledge what they meant. I was terrified of sleeping in my bedroom, began wetting the bed after previously being "dry", had constant nightmares, was very clingly to my parents, became socially withdrawn, and got frequent urinary tract infections (which were mostly home-treated, since I made such a fuss if a doctor tried to touch me).
The First Time(s) I Tried to Tell:
During the time period that I was being abused, I cried to my parents often (at bed time) that I was scared that "bad men would come into my room". They assured me that "no such thing" would happen, that I was "safe", and that we lived in a "nice, friendly neighborhood".
The Second Time:
When I was 12 years old I was molested by a friend's older brother at a sleep over party. That same year I also saw my first therapist. Two years later, when I'd finally become trusting of my therapist, I decided to tell her about the most recent "incident" since it was far less painful to recount than my earlier memories of what I finally understood was "rape". When I told her that I'd been sexually abused, she immediately pressed for details. Her manner was too aggressive, and I felt like suddenly I had to "prove" that it had happened or she wouldn't believe me. I was overwhelmed and refused to tell her the details because I was afraid that she would blame me and that my parents would find out.
The Third Time:
Around the time I entered my teenage years I became extremely angry at my parents when I realized that they hadn't protected me adequately as a child. I did many things to "punish" them including harming myself. When I was 15, I was in the middle of a loud and heated argument with my parents when I finally blurted out why I was so mad at them. Their reaction was a mix of shock, anger, and accusations. My father tried to guilt me into telling him the details by saying it was my "duty" to report the abuser and that it would be my "fault" if other children were harmed because I didn't tell. I became too upset to respond and locked myself in my room.
My parents contacted my therapist and she replied that I'd "pulled this stunt before" and that it was just a means of "getting attention". I refused to see this therapist again after such a huge betrayal.
The Fourth Time:
High school was very rocky for me, and I was in clinics and hospitals as much as I was in school. I made six serious suicide attempts before the age of 19. Even though I was bright, my teachers thought I would never graduate because I was so emotionally damaged. After the sixth attempt at ending my life, I finally met a compassionate counsellor who was very gentle and encouraging. I told her about the abuse and she believed me! She herself had been abused as a child (by an uncle), and she sympathized with me. I told her everything, but it had been kept a secret for so long that it took me several months to recount the whole story in detail (I was only able to handle talking/thinking about it for a few minutes at a time).
The Fifth Time: After I began to heal, with help from my counsellor, I told my parents again. They still seemed disbelieving but they agreed to help me with an "investigation" that my counsellor suggested we do. My parents were able to provide some helpful information, but because the abuse happened such a long time ago we eventually hit dead ends and it became clear that we would not be able to find the abuser. Even so, it gave me an odd sense of peace that the whole ordeal was finally "over".
I am 25 years old now. The efforts and compassion of that single counsellor saved my life and gave me hope that I could someday feel "normal" again. I've come a long way and sometimes I wonder how I got here. When people look at me now they see a successful young woman with a college diploma, a respectable job, and a devoted boyfriend. My boyfriend, I should note, is the first truly "safe" man I've shared a relationship with. He knows about the abuse in my past and he loves me anyway.
The main message of my story is to PARENTS:
If you see warning signs that YOUR child might be a victim of sexual abuse, PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE IT! Your actions will shape their future.
The secondary message of my story is to ALL OTHER ADULTS:
If a child tells you they were sexually abused, BELIEVE THEM! Be gentle and compassionate with them. If you aren't patient, they may take the truth with them to the grave. I almost did. I'm so thankful that there was at least ONE person in my life who believed me and took the time to listen.
The message of this website to children is to "just tell". My greatest advice to adults is to "just listen".
M., June 26, 2012
I was raped four years ago in a school bathroom. I was only twelve. I hardly knew him. It hurt. I was scared. I cried so hard while it happened, I thought I may never be able to cry again (and for a good few months, I couldn't allow myself to cry). My world came crashing down... and it stayed there for four years until this January when I finally worked up the courage to confide in my mother.
Leading up to telling her, I struggled to admit to myself that it was rape. I didn't want it to be rape; I COULDN'T let it be rape. Rape was something that happened to adults. It was a crime. It was wrong. I kept insisting in mind that the person who hurt me was just a bad person, not a rapist, a criminal. The word, rape, itself held so much "sacredness;" I wouldn't dare speak it. Then there came the day I sat down on my bed with a stack of pictures and wrote all over them "RAPE." It progressed into questions. "Did he rape me?" Then statements. "I was raped in seventh grade." It was so relieving to pour these secrets out. The "holiness" surrounding the word dissipated. I let myself admit it. I let myself feel all the hurt I had been burying for so long.
I will never forget the night I told my mother in the car. I dreaded pushing the dark words out of my mouth. I felt if I told her, it would be the end of the world, as if her hearing those words would cause the Sun to furiously explode, destroying every planet in its path and summoning the Devil to open the fiery gates of Hell and engulf what remains of the universe... or something equally as apocalyptic. I knew I had to do it though. I couldn't keep living with the Secret. It was eating away at my livelihood. With a stutter developing in my mouth, let it out. She asked me questions. It was all very... surreal. We got home, and cried together. That was that. I had told her... and the world did not come to abrupt halt. But believe me, the next day, it sank in, and it sure felt like Armageddon.
Just as I blamed myself, my mother blamed herself. This caused for my burden of guilt upon my shoulders to gain even more weight. I wanted it all to end. I won't lie, dealing with the aftermath of telling is almost harder than dealing with the actual event. My parents wanted to press charges, but I was too afraid. I had to be checked for STD's. I had to see an OB/GYN about what may have been a miscarriage I experienced three months after being raped. I had to deal with the grief for what may very well have been a miscarriage. I had to start seeing a therapist, a sexual assault counselor, and a psychiatrist. I had see my little brother handle the shock after my parents and I made the decision to tell him what was going on (believe me, that was a lot harder of a decision than you would think!). The months following telling were just about the hardest in my entire life, and I think they will remain that way for the rest of my life. I emerged from the my journey through the dark forest of depression and confusion STRONGER than ever.
As tough it was, it was SO WORTH IT. I am doing something I never got the chance to do, RECOVER. Then there are the many other GOOD things that came with telling too.
I found out from the psychiatrist I was seeing that the medications I was on for panic disorder are actually emotionally numbing and can wreck havoc on the way one's brain handles stress. I am now completely off of them and am working on coming off of my anti-depressants as well. I am now determined to live a medication-free life!
I found my school's theatre program too. If not for going through the aftermath of telling, I would have never been having a panic attack and, in the midst of chaotic, irrational thinking, signed up to audition for the school play. I've been really surprized how much theatre has helped me. It has manifested itself in so many aspects of my life and truly changed it for not the better, but the BEST. I went from feeling like I was going through my situation alone, to having a support group of 60+ theatre kids. Even though most of them are unaware of what I am going through, they have all been there to coach, cheer me on, catch me when I fall, and offer some much needed comic relief! They are amazing friends, and my second family. :)
My father and I got closer too. After entrusting him with the Secret, I feel we have gotten much closer. My mom and I have always been close, but him and I were not as close as I would have liked to be. I now consider him to be one of my best friends. In fact, I think it has actually brought our whole family closer. We all seem to be each others best friends now (I mean, yes, there are still the normal family squabbles, of course).
I've met other people like me too. You would be shocked by how many people are out there harboring the same Secret. Some of them seem to be the most unlikely people- seeming to be beaming with "confidence," they look so perfectly happy. A lot of them were friends I had known or acquaintances I got closer to. The friendships I hold oh so dearly with them are sure to last a lifetime and the support we give each other is eternal.
My life is better now than it has ever been. With the help of my family, friends, teachers, and doctors, I am doing just GREAT. I'm still taking things one day at a time, but I've never enjoyed life as much as I do now. Telling was a blessing in disguise. I LOVE LIVING.
The road will be bumpy, and a little scary at times, but the destination is BEAUTIFUL, REMARKABLE, and WORTH EVERY SECOND. You're going to be okay. Take a second. Take a deep breath. Just tell.
Hs, July 27, 2012
I was sexually abused at 15/16 by teacher. I told my mother. He was arrested. I lost friends because they thought I wanted it or that I was lying. Dealing with the aftermath was harder than it would have been to keep quiet. Somedays I wish I hadn't told but most days I'm glad that I said something. Now he can't get a job without telling people he is a sex offender. Or move into a neighborhood without registering. I still get scared that he will come back and find me and hurt me. I still have nightmares.
Julie Le Blanc, August 13, 2012
I was sexually abused starting at a very young age. It's still hard to admit that this really happened at such a young age and by someone who was supposed to protect me. At age 20 this is still hard to deal with, I am just starting to deal with it in a healthy way instead of cutting or refusing to eat. Most of the time I don't think about it but once in a while it will smack me in the face reminding me that I am "damaged" or "screwed up". Alot of people feel this way but it is not true, I have to remember to keep my head up and look forward to better days.
RockC218, September 12, 2012
I just got out of court today ( Wednesday September 12th), and I am proud to say that the man who raped and molested me a a child is now serving 20 years behind bars ad also has to pay a $20,000 dollar fine. I can finally start healing. This whole process has made me a stronger woman. I survived something so terrible. Justice has been served.
K2K, October 22, 2012
In the past two weeks I was sexually assaulted by my doctor... I was completely unable to say no because, I know this sounds stupid but, because he's.. my.. doctor. How can that be, that I let this happen and I didnt say no, even though I didnt want it... I respected him and i listened to him, I've shared all this private stuff with him.. Even though I didn't want what was happening to be happening, I couldn't say no. Does that make it not sexual assault? I have not spoken of this or written of it.. This is the first time I ever put it to words and part of me thinks I should just hit delete and not make waves.. Just let go of what happened.. But I feel all messed up inside about it and I don't know what to do.. It makes me want to cry… He will probably go on to do this to other women.. I want to do something but im scared… I dont know why Im saying this, I think I thought maybe I could find strength here to do something about it where I can get support from people who understand..
Andrew, October 22, 2012
Hey K2K, first I want you to know that you did a great job explaining a lot of the feelings that people have because of this. And that all those feelings you wrote about are completely normal and okay feelings to have. Have you talked to anyone about this?
K2K, October 22, 2012
Thank you Andrew.. Your words are kind.. I havent talked to anyone about this at all.. Im afraid to.. I dont even know what I would say or to who.. This really separated me from myself.. I dont tell anyone but inside Im knowing what happened and it stays in my head but noone knows, and it makes me feel further away from anyone.. I don't think I have ever felt this alone. I don't really know what to do with this.. Its easier for everyone involved if I just forget about it and let it go but I struggle with that too..
Andrew, October 22, 2012
Well I can understand that you would feel like that. I want you to know two things: 1. You are not alone. I don't know you but you must have people in your life who love you. I think that you would be surprised at how accepting and understanding people can be when you need them. You should find that person (or those people) in your life and tell them. Because 2. If you don't tell anyone then you will not be able to fully heal from this and the pain will always be there. I would strongly encourage you to talk to a counselor at school or set up an appointment with a therapist and confide in them. They can help you more than you think, I'll bet. You came here for a reason and I think you know that you need to tell someone. Find an adult that you trust and that makes you feel safe and tell them, they are good people to tell. If that doesn't work call 1-800-4-ACHILD or just call the police. It might seem easier to just do nothing and try to forget about it but ultimately it's a false hope, it leads no where. There's help out there for you I promise, but you have to reach for it. In the end it will be worth it.
Shelby, November 22, 2012
I was sexually abused by my neighbor for a year. I let it happen.... I feel alone all the time at school. He used to touch me and make me send pictures of myself. He would tell me things. He fantasized about doing things to me. He is in jail now he gets out in three years. I thought I would share. But I still feel alone and like an outcast.
MeloMel, December 2, 2012
This happen when my parent went to mexico cancoon and my brother was babysitting me at home. i was sexually molested and rape. i came home from school it was an all girl school so i had to wear uniform it was a skirt. i came home and my brother wanted to show me a wrestling move which is normal cause we always watch WWE or UFC. so he got me in a choke hold onto the ground and said this is a rear choke something. but he didnt really choke he just told me to raise my arm so he accidently choke me seriously, he goes you have to restrain there arms like this then he said now the legs so they dont kick he wrapped his leg around both my legs apart. it was pretty embarrassing cause i had a skirt on. Then he called his friend in to show him the move and his friend was like nice move then pulled my skirt up. He laughed at my winnie the pooh underwear. i said what the hell and told my brother to let go of me i wiggled but i was hurting myself and my brother was like okok, but his friend is like wait your sister is hiding something so my brother doesnt let me go. then his friend moves his hands up my legs and between my thighes. and i scream to stop. The guy insisted there was something and my brother believed him and i was like there nothing. i felt him touch my underwear and i said you know this is rape with a minor and when my brother lets me go im call the cops. they ignore me my brother ask what i was hiding i said nothing. his friend was like she hiding something hold her he gonna take a picture, he sticks his finger in the leghole of underwear and pulls it to the side exposing my genital, i scream to let go as i felt his friend touch my genital, i pushed out hard and ended up dislocating my shoulder that i cried in pain. then peed. i was rushed to the hospital and explained to them what happen. soon after my parent rushed back told the police what happen and now my brother friend is doing time. and my brother got bailed but was put as a sex offender on his criminal record then parents sent him to the army to discipline him. its been a few monthes has passed the nightmare haunts me. im currently seeing therapy. but after the incident i became a very quiet and anti-social person. school home lock door. nothing else.
K2K, December 6, 2012
I finally told someone. It took me a while to be able to do it, but I finally told.. Now comes the part where i make the report and everything that follows.. Im so scared.. I feel so unbelievably alone..
K2K, December 8, 2012
Shelby, I want to tell you that I know what you are going through. I continued to go to the doctor that was sexually abusing me and when I talked about it finally, noone understands why I didnt stop going to him. I felt I had no other choice but to go along with what was happening.. So I let it happen.. But we should have never been put in that position, we aren't able to really give consent even if we 'let it happen'.. It is not our fault.. I know how alone you feel, and I want to tell you that you aren't alone, but I know that i am not in your life to help you, so it does feel like you really are.. but there are people out there feeling things that are very similar to what you are feeling, that have gone through very similar situations.. so, in that way, you are not alone, and I am not alone..
Liza, February 2, 2013
Hi my name is Liza and here's my story!
When I was 8 my babysitters oldest son, who was 16, paid his younger brother to stay out of the room while he molested me. His mom caught him in the act and did nothing. I didn't tell anyone til I was 10. And continued to have to go to the babysitters for some time. Then when I was 14 I got my first job at a restaurant. One night I was outside in the stroage room and a cook made me touch him while he was touch me all over. He wanted to do more but we were in public.I told my sister and then she told my mom. My mom talked to the owner and I got fired! Then a short 5 months later a man that my parents let live with us, who my dad thought of as a brother, Sid the unthinkable. My lil sister was in a bed in his room asleep. I states in there with her that night to protect her. He was drunk. He also had a bad history. And he grabbed my by the waist and latex me down in his bed and had his way with me. That was 8 years ago! Now I am finally getting help. Talking to someone and actually pressing charges on the last man because he now has also done this to his own daughter. We haven't fine to trial yet but justice will be served! He will pay for wat he has done and as for me I am strong and have people who care about me supporting me! Even of its not family there are so many other Kind caring loving people who want and will hell all you have to do is ask. Just tell and you will understand about all the help out here for people like you and I! Life is worth living happily even when it seems to scary and dark! There is a light!